tripping the life unbalanced

Saturday, September 23, 2006

things that creep me out

I'm making my way back from the dead. Dead sick, that is. We've all been holed up together as a family of illness the last week or so. Being home sick can be so boring, no? There are only so many episodes of Dr. Phil-I-got-your-kids-back-from-a-cult programs that I can stomach. And then there's the sleepless nights.

You'd be surprised at what kinds of lists I can come up with at 4AM. Lists with titles like "Things I Have Not Yet Worried About That I Should Start Worrying About" or "Things I Should Have Said to Alice to Calm Her Down When She Ran Into A Wall At Daycare and Smashed Her Mouth Instead of 'Oh, Not Your Teeth Again?!'"

I've always been a bit of an insomniac, and for some reason making lists really helps me get through the hours of absolute boredom that can arise from staring at the ceiling. Lately, I've been inspired by thinking about things that creep me out. And, as always, have decided to share it with the internet.

Things That Creep Me Out

James Blunt
Good god, people, WHY? I know I have some friends who actually like this whackjob's music, but the lyrics? The over-the-top stalking emotion is too freaky for me. I saw him perform on SNL a few months ago, and when he sang "Goodbye My Lover" into the camera, I'm pretty sure I heard the sound of bunnies boiling in a pot.

The sound of fingernails scratching fabric
I have no idea where the distaste for this comes from, but suffice to say that this sound makes my skin crawl. Worse offenders are those on couch fabrics - yuck.

Mama Bear's voice on The Berenstain Bears.
I've noted my hate-on for this show before, and truly it is Mama Bear's tisk-tisking that creeps me out the most. It can haunt me. For days.

Men on the public transit system who ask me how old my daughter is
Dude, you probably mean well and aren't a total weirdo, but for your own safety please do not even address me when I stand beside you with Alice. In fact, please avert your eyes completely and pretend we don't exist. You know, the Toronto way.

The word "bon bons"
Seriously. What good can this bring the world?

The texture and smell of cooked eel
Matt loves this stuff and once he ordered it during a marathon of Six Feet Under. Needless to say, we did not make out that night.

That stupid horror movie "The Ring".
I'm not even going to link to it in case I have to continually link to it for years to come until people hear its message.

Water on the floor of the changeroom at the public pool
The idea of stepping in someone else's water that dripped from their body is so gross, so creepy, that it prevents me from swimming in public pools unless it's really too hot outside to live. And even then, I have to swallow back barf and run through the changeroom on my tip toes to just make it into the pool. Pretty mature and impressive, I know. Especially with my 3 year old, who thinks mommy is playing some kind of game. "you win, mommy, you win!"

So, what creeps you out?


  • Glad to hear you're on the mend... and your list made me laugh out loud. You already know how I feel about James Blunt, but I really do think he might be Satan. Other things that creep me out:

    1.) Botox
    2.) Overheard at a TODDLER class, one mother saying (in an admiring tone) to another: "Those jeans make your daughter look sooo skinny!"
    3.) Giant neon-colored SUVs.
    4.) Chicken nuggets shaped like animals or Disney characters. Eew.

    By Blogger Jackie, at 7:38 p.m.  

  • Your pool comment reminded me of something that did not gross me out as a child but now horrifies me as an adult: Our public pool had an ankle-deep, pool-like entry way filled with water. Everyone entering and leaving the pool had to wade through this water, which as far as I know was not changed during the day. What purpose this served I have no idea.

    Can you say EWWWW?

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 7:50 p.m.  

  • Well, according to my husband, there isn't much in this world that doesn't creep me out.

    But first on my list at the moment - Dick Cheney.

    By Anonymous sweatpantsmom, at 11:00 p.m.  

  • People cutting their fingernails in public.

    ICK. I shudder just thinking about it!!

    By Anonymous Naomi (Urban Mummy), at 8:38 a.m.  

  • We've been sick all week too. No fun.

    Everything about public pools is creepy.


    Pedicure tools. I fear fungus.

    By Blogger metro mama, at 5:28 p.m.  

  • 1) Fingers squeaking on dishwasher cleaned glasses. Heebies for DAYS.
    2) Bugs in my hair - not just lice, which for the record, I've never had but now I understand having a child in Toronto means I will be stricken some day. And then, maybe their eggs. GAAAAAH. Sub category: pinworms, and checking for them with a flashlight. Just kill me now.
    3) Canned beets.
    4) Crusty heels, especially when accompanied by toenail funguses. fungi. Whatever. grossness.
    5) Public swimming pools. (See above, add smegma, and I'll see ya later.)
    6) Finding a dingleberry on someone when you're having sex (for the record, not talking about my husband and also, see number 5)
    7) Forks squeaking on a dinner plate (see James Blunt's voice)
    9) Accidentally touching a spider web.
    10) Maggots.
    11) Those giant fucking silverfish bugs in my basement.
    12) Tongues that have been split, but more - teeth that have been filed pointy.

    I have to go away now and hold myself.

    By Blogger Marla, at 10:43 p.m.  

  • OH! And I forgot! Fake, and sometimes real, smoked flavour on food. Bleachhhh. Why is it good?

    What's wrong with bon bons?! Good Goods! I love it. But, I'll raise you, people who say "Goody!" as an exited exclamation. Yes, the ones in 1950's storybooks, because I really don't think that occurs outside of books, which means one person started it and then it carried on. That power, that's too much.

    By Blogger Marla, at 10:48 p.m.  

  • I forgot until just this morning...songs in 5/4 time. They are just wrong, and they make me edgy for the rest of the day.

    By Blogger Marla, at 7:36 a.m.  

  • -Pro W bumperstickers

    -People who think their dogs are 'furry children', and relate everything about kids to dogs: "Oh my dog wakes me up at 3 am too." "I totally understand...I have a dog."

    -Snacks made with cheez or froot.

    -Sitting down on a wet toilet seat, and having the paper liner stick to my leg because of Princess Pee. If you must squat, clean up after yourself! Ditto ppl who do not flush.

    By Blogger karrie, at 7:46 p.m.  

  • hahahah - here:

    I love it - they called a pool a "bacteria frappe"!

    Also thought of the legions of potato bugs that collected under my flower pots. How can the world sustain so many?

    By Blogger Marla, at 7:31 a.m.  

  • Oh,
    The Ring for sure. Totally messed me up.
    Also, the damage done to my 11 year old brain by somehow sneaking into The Exorcist.
    Pap tests and spinal taps.
    Unfinished business.

    By Blogger crazymumma, at 11:02 p.m.  

  • Hahahahaha! This:

    By Blogger Marla, at 8:39 a.m.  

  • - James Blunt for sure
    - house centipedes
    - dead mice on my bed
    - lisa rinna's pneumatic lips
    - anybody/thing touching that tendon behind my ankle
    - people who eat/sneeze/pick their nose/pick anything else on the subway
    I could go on...

    By Blogger penelopeto, at 7:05 a.m.  

  • Oh my god. I am so with you on public pools. The pool we go to has a total shoe ban but I bring a pair of pool only shoes and wear them until I'm almost poolside even though I risk getting booted out because, god, what if someone's old bandaid gets stuck on me -- I'd melt into a puddle of wax right then and there.

    Yes to James Blunt.

    Yes to toddler starers (I can go to the Dufferin Mall no more)

    And I've got to add tatty library books with bits of old food or whatever (gack!) sticking the pages together.

    By Blogger tomama, at 10:08 p.m.  

  • John Mayer weirds me out. And Pocoyo.

    You do realize that mama bear is none other than Camila Scott, right? You're correct to be creeped out.

    By Anonymous thordora, at 2:55 p.m.  

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