tripping the life unbalanced

Sunday, November 05, 2006

god, give me some space

I have no awesome title for this entry. I'm tired and spent and FED UP with being a mommy today. It's one of those days where I wish I could lock myself in a room by myself for a week and get away from all the poking fingers and the million "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeee"s that seem to be thrown my way this weekend. I love her, I really do, but crap I need some space. Many tantrums this weekend and a whole bunch of attitude = a very pissed off me. I got home from grocery shopping this afternoon and literally pushed the child at her dad, locked myself in the kitchen, and ate half a giant bag of chips in about 1 minute. Just to do something, ANYTHING, that was just mine. After stuffing my face I looked around at the piles of grocery bags and incredibly messy kitchen, and knew I had another fucking hour of cleaning and dinner making to do. And I cried. I cried so hard for all the hours I seem to spend these days cleaning or cooking or pretend playing or climbing up and down the damn basement stairs to do yet another load of laundry or reading Green Eggs And Ham or battling the ego of a stubborn 3 year old. When I all really want to be doing is reading or taking a hot bath.

Yep, a selfish entry. All about me, whine and more whine. But I needed it. Because if I'm not on here writing my way out of the craziness and anger, I'll be taking it out on my family. And so if you read all that, thanks for listening.

17 Comments:

  • I am right there with you. Hang in there. Know you are not alone...

    By Blogger chichimama, at 8:31 PM  

  • We need a counter that counts down to our NYC trip. Deep breaths.

    By Blogger scarbie doll, at 10:07 PM  

  • Those are the worst days. I've been there.

    By Blogger metro mama, at 10:36 PM  

  • I'm sorry you had such a crappy day. Sometimes I find that I'm holding my breath and then I remember that they taught us not to do that in prenatal classes so I breath out -- loudly -- before my head explodes. Argh. It is tough, so tough, to have patience day after day. Thankfully, you have that wacky sense of humor to fall back on. It's your ace up the sleeve.

    By Blogger Ann D, at 12:16 AM  

  • From me to you I would like to say Thank you for doing everything you do. The word is often not used. I work with children who's parents don't even want them so again I say thank you for looking after your kids.

    By Blogger social worker, at 12:20 AM  

  • *there there*

    I hated 3. Age 3 to 4 was a very baaaaad year here.

    You're not alone!

    By Blogger Mom Underground, at 2:05 AM  

  • I think we ALL had that day yesterday.

    By Anonymous thordora, at 8:35 AM  

  • Oh geez.. Big *hugs*

    And thanks for being "real" enough to write about days that aren't all sunshine and sweetness!

    By Anonymous Miche, at 9:28 AM  

  • I don't know how many times I've wanted to make this same post. Thanks for having the balls (oh - you know what I mean).

    By Blogger MotherBumper, at 1:51 PM  

  • I had a night away in a hotel this past weekend to just get some time away. Read the new Elizabeth George novel, read the New Yorker, read some trashy mags too. And slept. And ate chips.

    I laughed out loud and almost spewed chocolate chips (my fave treat right now) on the 'puter screen when you wrote about gobbling those chips to have something for yourself. Hah! I can sooo relate to that. Monkeydad ate some of my gum last week and I almost lost it - that's MY gum. Buy your own. CrAzY....

    P.S. The Kate Atkinson books came via the Amazon fairy today....

    By Blogger Mamalooper, at 1:58 PM  

  • I know how you feel. I agree that getting it out on the blog is much better than taking it out on your family.

    What kind of chips?

    I snuck a chocolate bar today and then my little terror kept asking me what I ate. She has a nose for chocolate.

    By Blogger Lisa b, at 6:42 PM  

  • I hear ya. I've been there, often. You NEED to be selfish sometimes, I think. Otherwise there'd be nothing left of you but a dishrag...

    By Blogger Suzanne, at 9:16 PM  

  • Oh man, I totally feel for you. We all have 'em. Just think, all over the city, mamas are locking themselves in kitchen's/bathrooms/cars and power eating chips/cake/halloween candy singing la la la la la to drown out the screaming kids. Thank god for the blogosphere to help link us all together.

    By Blogger tomama, at 11:19 PM  

  • Three is the worst. I've written similar entries so many times these past few months. You're not alone. That's what I always make sure to tell people now - I learned that when I wrote about nearly going insane at the hands of my own three-year-old terrorist. SIGH. But knowing I wasn't the only one out there really did make a difference.

    Hang in there. It's not just you.

    By Blogger Kristen, at 10:00 PM  

  • whine on you crazy diamond. Sometimes they just make us crazy. remember to breathe.....

    By Blogger crazymumma, at 11:14 PM  

  • Thordora is right. Yours is the third post from the same date I've read describing pretty much the same day.

    It does help a bit to put words to the rage, doesn't it?

    Hope you are able to steal some time for yourself soon.

    By Anonymous karrie, at 8:35 AM  

  • Oh, Honey. I sympathize with you! I have 4 year old twin daughters. This weekend we have all 3 been sick. I wanted to get in my car and go away, far away, and wallow in my sick, sad self ALONE! They were irritating, annoying, and nerve racking. But, then I stopped and thought, what would I do without them? And I didnt like the answer, so I hugged them, and I cuddled on the couch with them. It'll get better. Thats what I tell myself.

    By Blogger Samantha, at 5:30 AM  

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